contentment

I spent some time today looking through photographer's websites and blogs for ideas and inspiration.  Somehow I came away from browsing through photos feeling completely... I don't know the word. 

Today I felt totally inadequate as a photographer.  I don't have the skills, I don't have the experience, I don't have the money coming in, I don't have many clients who aren't already my friends,  I don't have the full frame camera, I don't have the right lenses.  I'm not sure why I was having such a pity party for myself, but I was so caught up in the idea that "I am not good at this."

And then I started thinking about why I even own a camera in the first place.  When K was born we had a less than awesome experience at a studio inside of Babies R Us.  I left and thought, I could do that.  So, I sold some stuff on craigslist and with a ton of support from Brent, got a camera.  I upgraded my camera soon after because a lens I owned didn't auto focus.  I took pictures everyday and fell in love with photography.  I read books, read blogs, and took classes.  I met Donna Boucher who honestly changed my life.  When talking about where my photography would eventually lead, she said, "If nothing else, use it to glorify God."  I will never forget that.

I started taking pictures of my friends, and family,  and children, and I have found so much joy in spending time capturing special moments.  I love looking for moments that wouldn't normally be photographed, but are magical.  I love seeing joy in my friends faces when they see their pictures, and seeing the comments their friends and family make as well.  I have done so many free photo shoots and bring my camera everywhere.  And that's okay.  When I talk to Brent about the "business" aspect of what I'm doing and the fact that I don't bring hardly anything in compared to other photographers (but spend quite a bit) he always answers with, "that's not why you take pictures."

And he's right.  I take pictures because I love it.  I find so much joy in the whole process.  I love that though my life has changed and being a mom trumps everything else, I have found something that can be "mine," yet it's something that preserves memories of my friends and family at the same time. 

I love taking pictures.  I love the sound that my camera makes.  I love how it feels hanging around my neck as I set up the next shot.  I love the happiness pictures bring to others.  And I love how I can look at a picture I've taken and it gives me goosebumps.

 So I will be content with what I have.  I will take the best pictures with the stuff that I have.  And I am determined not to lose the joy that photogrpahy brings me, and not be caught up in the business/competition/annoying stuff.  I love taking pictures... wherever it may take me.

Here are a few that make me so thankful.